During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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