i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She even gives head with a lisp.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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