I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
sick fucks of a feather flock together
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
