But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
