this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
