Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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