I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
