I think i sorta joined a cult last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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