did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we're making bets on your personal life
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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