Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
