You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I understand Curling. That high.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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