I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
