he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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