Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
