Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
