Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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