we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just used a chaser for red wine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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