if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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