mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
