Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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