The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
