I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
