I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
soo... how was my night?
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