I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
