So drunk its hurt
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
