You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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