I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
