had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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