saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize