I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
