you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They have beer where we have blood.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
