God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
