WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
