We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
