Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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