I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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