my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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