I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
