Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
