In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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