You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
