i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
