You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
