I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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