I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
