he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
