just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
