Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
