i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
