My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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