At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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