glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
