i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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