I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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