He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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