How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
