WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
