God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
soo... how was my night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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