Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
