Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
