with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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