I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
