I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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