There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
