My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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