i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
