I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
