I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize