I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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