Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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