Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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