I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
